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TOGETHER WE CAN BREAK THE CYCLE

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

ABUSE

What Is Abuse?

Abuse is defined as the act of bringing injury or suffering to another person. Abuse can take many forms, ranging from showing contempt to inflicting physical or psychological harm on another person. It can occur in a variety of locations, including one's residence, a care facility, a medical facility, or a public setting.

To be emotionally healthy. Abuse in a domestic or intimate relationship is a cycle of dominance and control that exists regardless of a person's race, gender, age, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status, or religious beliefs.

Types of abuse?

It is critical that one realizes that all forms of abusive treatment are detrimental. Abuse can manifest itself in a variety of forms, including that which is physical, financial, digital, sexual, emotional, or verbal. Although only physical abuse is able to be seen by the naked eye, every form of abuse is detrimental to both the mental and physical well-being of the person who experiences it. 

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse involves any intentional use of force or violence that results in bodily harm, injury, or pain to the victim. It is the most visible form of domestic violence, but it is often accompanied by other types of abuse.

  • Hitting, Slapping, and Punching – Striking a partner with hands or objects to cause pain or injury.

  • Kicking and Stomping – Using force to injure by kicking or stepping on the victim.

  • Choking or Strangulation – Restricting airflow, which can lead to unconsciousness or death.

  • Throwing Objects – Hurling items to instill fear or cause harm.

  • Shoving or Pushing – Forcefully moving a person against their will, potentially causing injury.

  • Denial of Medical Care – Preventing access to medical treatment after injury.

Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse occurs when one partner forces or coerces the other into unwanted sexual activity. This includes any form of non-consensual sexual acts.

  • Rape or attempted rape – Forcing the victim to engage in sexual intercourse or any sexual activity without consent.

  • Sexual coercion – This might include pressuring or manipulating the victim into sexual acts or threatening harm if they refuse.

  • Reproductive control - Forcing a partner to become pregnant or preventing them from using contraception.

  • Sexual humiliation or degrading comments.

  • Calling you a “whore” or any other demeaning name after sex

Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse involves actions that damage a person’s mental and emotional well-being. It’s a way of controlling the victim’s emotions and undermining their self-worth.

  • Constant criticism, insults, or belittling.

  • Gaslighting (manipulating someone into questioning their reality).

  • Making threats to harm the victim or their loved ones.

  • Intentionally embarrassing or shaming the victim.

  • Controlling what the victim wears, who they see, or where they go.

Psychological Abuse

Psychological abuse is any behavior that instills fear or emotional distress and causes the victim to feel mentally unstable or unsafe.

  • Making threats of violence or self-harm.

  • Stalking or excessively monitoring the victim.

  • Threatening to take away children or report the victim unfairly.

  • Destroying personal property.

  • Isolating the victim from family and friends.

Common Signs OF Abuse

By familiarizing yourself with the signs of abuse, you empower yourself to become your own advocate and devise a plan that safeguards you within a nurturing environment. This will foster your personal growth and encourage your journey towards self-improvement.

Does the Person You Love:

  • Threaten to hurt you or other people you care about?

  • Hit, kick, punch, push, choke or use physical force against you?

  • Criticize or blame you for everything that goes wrong?

  • Humiliate you in front of other people?

  • Control your access to money?

  • Control the decision-making in your relationship?

  • Control your time and actions?

  • Put you down, call you names, make you feel like you’re crazy?

  • Destroy your property or abuse your pets?

  • Threaten to hurt you or commit suicide if you leave?

  • Force or coerce you to have sex when you don’t want to?

If you’ve answered “yes” to any of these questions, you may be in an abusive relationship.  You are not alone; many people just like you are dealing with violence at home.  You didn’t cause the violence and no one has the right to hurt you.  If you would like to talk with someone, free and confidential help is just a phone call away

Signs that someone you Love may be in an abusive relationship

By familiarizing yourself with the signs of abuse, you empower yourself to become your own advocate and devise a plan that safeguards you within a nurturing environment. This will foster your personal growth and encourage your journey towards self-improvement.

Bruising or bruises that are unusual

Examples of unusual bruising or bruises include:

1. Bruises that appear without any known injury or trauma.

2. Bruises that are larger or more extensive than expected for a minor injury.

3. Bruises that occur in unusual locations, such as the palms of the hands or soles of feet Fear of the partner Withdrawal or antagonism are examples of behavioral changes.

Self-blame or low self-esteem

Self-blame or low self-esteem include: - Feeling guilty for things that are not your fault - Constantly criticizing yourself and believing you are not good enough - Blaming yourself for the mistakes or failures

Isolated from family and friends

Isolation entails making an effort to shut you off from your family and friends and accusing those who are on your side of "causing trouble."

Sexual exploitation or coercion

Sexual exploitation or coercion include:

1. A person using threats or blackmail to force someone into engaging in sexual acts against their will.

2. An individual taking advantage of someone's vulnerability or lack of power to manipulate

Negative remarks, slurs, or insults

Examples of negative remarks, slurs, or insults include derogatory comments about someone's appearance, offensive language targeting a person's race or ethnicity, and hurtful remarks about someone's abilities or intelligence.

WARNING INDICATORS THAT THERE MAY BE ABUSE OCCURING IN THE HOME IN A RELATIONSHIP

Trying to get you to commit right away by coming on strong and asserting things like, "I've never felt loved like this by anyone."

Jealousy is characterized by behaviors such as being too possessive, making random phone calls or in-person visits, and preventing you from going to work on the pretext that "you might meet someone."

Taking Charge of your behaviour: You are subjected to severe interrogation (especially if you are late), during which you are questioned about who you spoke to and where you went; the money is kept, and it is required that you obtain authorization before you engage in any activity.

You have  a deep sense of fear towards the person who is causing harm or abuse.

Unrealistic expectations: Thinks you should be the ideal partner and fulfill all of his or her requirements for happiness.

Putting the blame on other people for one's own failures or errors: Whenever something goes wrong, it is invariably someone else's fault.

Putting the blame for his or her emotions on another person, such as by saying things like "You make me angry," rather than "I am angry," or by saying things like "You're hurting me by not doing what I tell you."

Is highly reactive, meaning that they are easily insulted and will claim to have hurt feelings even when they are truly angry.

An individual who is cruel to animals or children is someone who kills or severely punishes animals.  Also, may expect children to do things that are well above their capabilities (for example, spanks a three-year-old for wetting a diaper) or may taunt them to the point that they weep.

Use of force during sexual activity: delights in throwing you down or holding you down against your will while engaging in sexual activity.

Verbal abuse is when someone constantly criticizes you or says things that are plainly cruel and hurtful, degrades, curses, or calls you names that are offensive.

Those in it are expected to serve, obey orders, and not leave the house.

Mood swings that come out of nowhere; can go from being calm to angry in a matter of minutes.

Admits to beating a mate in the past, but maintains that the person "made" him (or her) do it. This type of batterer blames the victim for their actions.

Threats of physical violence, such as "I'll break your neck" or "I'll kill you," followed by a declaration that "I didn't really mean it," are examples of what are known as empty threats.

WHAT SHOULD I DO IF AM BEING ABUSE?

Always keep in mind that protecting both your physical and mental health deserves to be your highest priority.  Putting yourself first is the most effective kind of self-care; contrary to popular belief, when experiencing domestic violence of any kind, finding support is absolutely necessary.

If you are experiencing abuse, whether minor or severe, be proactive and contact a domestic violence hotline or a mental health professional, and in an emergency, use 9-1-1 or local emergency services.

My Beloved Sister. the core damage caused by abuse is the erosion of your freedom of choice. Freedom is the beautiful state of being independent and liberated from any external control. Embrace the empowering notion that every individual possesses an inborn capacity to make their own choices especially when it comes to relationships. In order to determine whether or not you are in a healthy relationship, it is vital to get an understanding of the differences between toxic and nontoxic behaviors that occur in relationships. Rest assured that you are never alone, you have nothing to be ashamed of and it is possible to acquire resources and experience healing with the assistance of EASE.

Questions about abuse

How do I know if it is abuse or just a bad relationship?

This is a great question and in some ways, it doesn’t matter if it’s abuse or not—if someone is being hurt, manipulated, or controlled, they deserve better.People who are abusive to their partners believe that:

  • They have a right to control their partner


  • Their bad behavior is justified, and


  • Their partner is to blame for the problems in the relationship.


They also may manipulate others by:


  • Confusing people by saying that they are the victim. This makes it harder for their partner to get support and be believed.



  • Using systems to limit their partner’s options. For example, calling the police to get their partner arrested or getting Child Protective Services (CPS) involved to question and undermine their partner’s parenting. This entangles survivors in those systems and makes it hard to access that help in the future.




  • Using access to their children, such as via custody threats or not following an established visitation schedule as a way to assert power.

Verily, After Every Hardship Comes EASE

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